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Sun, Dec. 25th, 2005, 09:28 pm

Ten Minutes Ago
(used in Cinderella)

by Rodgers and Hammerstein
Ten minutes ago
I saw you,
I looked up when you came
Through the door.
My head started reeling,
You gave me the feeling
The room had no ceiling
Or floor.
Ten minutes ago,
I met you
And we murmured our
I wanted to ring out the bells,
And fling out my arms,
And to sing out the news.
I have found her,
She's an angel
With the dust of the stars in her eyes.
We are dancing,
We are flying,
And she's taking me back to the skies.
In the arms of my love
I'm flying
Over mountain and meadow and glen.
And I like it so well
That for all I can tell,
I may never come down again.
I may never come down to earth again.

Sun, Dec. 25th, 2005, 09:21 pm
This is what i sang when i was lonely on christmas 2005

I Won't Say I'm in Love
Vocal: Meg (Susan Egan)
Music: Alan Menken
Lyrics: David Zippel

Disney's Greatest (Volume 1) - Hercules soundtrack

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no

You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh

It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad

No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no

Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love

This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love

You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love

You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it

Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love

At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

(Hercules lyrics)

Sat, Dec. 24th, 2005, 07:07 pm

omg! my darling turns 16 today. ah yes, i do believe it is the eve of christmas, isn't that just rad? hahaha. yes. radical (laughs jollily?) today i went by his house and he was all OMG and totally didn't say ANYTHING TO ME. wtheck. mean! but anyway, maybe he's just... iono. preoccupied. i miss you honey!!! happy 16th! ah. and merry christmas darling! hope to see you before school starts again! if i do maybe i'll forgive you for not giving me a goodnight kiss (wink)! hahaha. well merry xmas to every1 and happy new year!

heh, he's still not replying to me-- oh shit

Fri, Dec. 23rd, 2005, 12:20 pm
Frustration Will Surely Be the Death of Me

Frustrated to the point
Of incoherency,
No words can flow
From my head
Through my fingers
As so many thoughts
Race forth,
So many emotions
Threaten to bring
Me to the brink of

Words become jilted,
Primordial sounds
Escape me,
Unrefined motions
Are made as
All I wish to do
Is wail at the
Sheer stupidity
Of the world.

Teenage angst
Overwhelms me
As tears of anger
Will not fall
To relieve me of
The pressure
Of such chaos
In occurrence.

Survival of these feelings
Cannot be possible
As it causes a sense
Of inadequacy
And surges bile
From the pit
Of my stomach.

Migraines approach,
Eyes darting warily
As I grasp onto
My sole support
Before I lose
All balance.

Sitting here,
Cold, weary,
All I wish to do
Is welcome the
Comforting darkness
Before I finally

Wed, Dec. 21st, 2005, 11:52 pm
Within Death There Is Thought

Sometimes my still body
Creates the illusion of death
As I remain unmoving
For more than moments
Eyes blank seemingly
Staring into the nothingness,
The void beyond.

Some may believe
That is what’s so
Delicately-dubbed zoning out,
However those are the times
That I have found myself
To be the most pensive,
The most contemplating.

As it is not lack of brain activity
That brings about these bouts of immobility,
It is the over-activity of inner turmoil,
Deep thoughts threatening
To overwhelm my fragile psyche.

Those are the times
When I begin to question my life,
The direction, cause, motives,
Resolutions, conflicts, certainties,
And doubts that haunt my every dream.

During those rare or maybe not
Times of stillness,
I would appear lifeless,
If it were not for the tears
That continue their descent
As my eyes continue
Their vacant gaze.

No one understands
But if they were to,
Does it matter?
Only one person
Is the source
Of all my agony.

Ironically, he is the one
That brings about
The happiest moments
Of my short-lived life.

The doubts still arise within me,
Daily, nightly, whenever
His reply is lacking.

He passed last night’s test,
But now a new pain emerged
Born from my own insecurity,
My fear of him leaving,
Of myself falling apart,
Not strong and independent
As I wont to be,
But as a crippled soul,
Shattered by wear.

Each night he does not reply,
My heart breaks a bit more,
As I remain waiting.
Is this what is perceived
As unrequited love?

What was once mutual,
I fear has mutated
Into qualms that
Disturb my very thoughts.

Only he can assuage my fears,
Allay my uncertainties.

Thank goodness
He remembered me
Again. My existence
On this depressive earth.

Darling, your reply was a bit belated,
But as I’m sniffling through my tears,
I could have never been happier.

I think to myself once more:
Is this really worth it?

You remain unaware
Of the tears I shed for you.
And I wish
To keep things
That way.

The fear of
Being used
And thrown aside
Still remains.

Tue, Dec. 20th, 2005, 09:11 pm
Falling Into Nothingness

As your lips slid across mine,

No worries arose.

However now as I sit

Creating horrendous pieces

To be dubbed poetry,

Speaking of doubt, of worry,

Of fear of loss,

All I wish to do

Is weep.


Each minute that passes,

Without a reply from you,

Makes little portions of my heart

To disintegrate slowly

Until finally

All that’s left

Is a void.


If you happen to come across this

One day, long from now,

Wondering why tears would flow

When such a joyous union would occur,

Has it not occurred to you that

One would need emotional reassurance

That this so-called relationship

Would last—that after our first

Shared kiss, I’d want at least

A farewell before my unbidden repose?


Tonight, if no reply ensues,

Perhaps tears would rock my body

To sleep, instead of your calm voice.

Perhaps my company will be nothing

But the poetry that only succeeds

In bringing about more grief.

Perhaps I shall die.


I do not wish to test you,

But I fear if I do not—

I fear that… perhaps later on

When I’m even further in,

I’d be hurt more than I am now.


However there is a side

That wishes to not do this,

To not have such an inane challenge

Such as the one in mind.

As if you fail to pass,

Would I die anyway?


I have very meaningless worries,

But are they so worthless?

Am I wrong to hope

That as I sit here,

Composing this about you,

I am to hope that you are thinking of me?

Preposterous is it?  For maybe you aren’t

And I’m just… just there.

For you.

For your enjoyment.


Is that it?


A few more moments have passed—

Do you even realize the extent of my pain?

The tears that leak for you?


It’s better that you don’t.

This journal is not for your eyes

For it is a look into my very core.

And if you saw what was truly in there,

I am afraid that whatever you find

May not be pleasing.


If you reject me then,

Then I’ll know it’s for the true me.

Which would hurt immensely more

Than if you rejected this shell

Of myself.


I wish to show myself to you,

But how am I supposed to

When these uncertainties arise

As they have wont to do?


Do not use me, my darling.

Hurt me if you must,

Just don’t use me

Or I’ll surely expire inside

Possibly with you remaining oblivious.

But perhaps it is best kept that way.


I miss you

It kills me to admit it

As you may not reciprocate

Such moot emotions.


Where is my knight?

~SN 12.20.05

Tue, Dec. 20th, 2005, 08:50 pm
Save Me

Tonight my troubles are intensified,

My worries are tripled,

As I cannot, will not, allow

My delicate heart to crumble

Entirely to ashes yet again.


Pathetically I wait,

Thirty minutes have passed,

And even more wretchedly

Tears that I had sworn

Would not flow

Have begun their course

Down the plane

of my smoothened cheeks.


Is this a test

That I have somehow failed?

Has this all been a journey

To discover the nature of my soul?

If it has been,

I am sorry to say

I have not succeeded

And will not

As I am far too weak

to bear anymore.


Lack of speech had bested me,

Abundance of words have been my undoing.

The balance impossible to strike,

I mourn my loss,

As you escape my reach once more.


Mere letters cannot begin to illustrate

The myriad of emotions

Conflicting within this vessel

Of tyrannous thoughts

Threatening to overwhelm.


Why is it that poetry

Is my sole escape from

The cycle of depression,

Happiness, and so-called love?


I do not wish to love anymore.

It only brings about pain.

But if I could love once more,

Perhaps he is the one,

Perhaps he can mend my broken heart

Just as I wish to be able to mend his.


For do not two broken hearts

Create one single whole?

Or is it too late

For the leaves to blow

Across the gentle breeze

To carry across my laughter

As your breath ghosts

By my wind-chilled ear?


Save me, my darling--

Catch me before I fall.

I fear I am too far in

To back out

Without dying within.


~SN 12.20.05

Tue, Dec. 20th, 2005, 08:35 pm
Qu'est-ce Que

Qu'est-ce Que

Angst coursing throughout my veins,
Waiting for your reply so diligently,
Starving for some attention as
Time passes on too quickly.

Worrying about your opinion
Of me as tonight was monumental
Yet there was no attempt
At contact, am I unskilled?

Tears only wish to leak,
Yet this obstinate body
Which my soul inhabits
Will not allow for such
Monstrosities to occur.

Strength comes from resolution,
Not from indecision,
Hopeless pleas for love,
Futile attempts for affection,
Only leaving souls exposed.

Harsh winds rattle my frame,
Shaking from the desolate colds,
Was it worth it?  Was it real?
Only time can tell as
I still await your reply.

One question on my lips
As the only thoughts
Within my vacant mind
Are of you.

What am I to you?

Perhaps this is not yet love,
But what words cannot describe
Thus far,
What actions can not comprehend,
Is the tortured nature
Of my soul.

I like you.  But I’m afraid.

~SN 12/20/05

Mon, Dec. 19th, 2005, 12:33 am

quick post just to squee about random events.

let's see... yesterday i got a hug! ((squee-ing has commenced)). and i hung out with some of my bestest amigos and... i bought stuff. lol.

and sean called today! it felt weird talking to him after a whole week of like... him avoiding me cuzza me being mad at him two weeks ago. lol.

omg. and i think i really really like tony.

well that's it for now cuz i have to shower soon. ^_^ visiting peoples tonight.

oh yeahh i gotta shop for a present for my pediatrician cuz he's the bestest guy and rocks much.





Sun, Dec. 18th, 2005, 04:13 pm

Liu Xing Yu


wen rou de xing kong
yi gai rang ni gan dong
wo zai ni sheng hou wei ni bu zhi yi pian tian kong

bu zun ni nan guo
ti ni bai ping ji mo
meng xiang de zhong liang quan bu dou jiao gei wo

qian ni shou gen zhe wo zhou
feng zai da you zen yang
ni you le wo
zai ye bu hui mi lu fang xiang

pei ni qu kan liu xing yu
luo zai zhe di qiu shang
rang ni de lei luo zai wo jian bang

yao ni xiang xin wo de ai
zhi ken wei ni yong gan
ni hui kan jian xing fu de shuo zai

shang gan luo tai duo
xin diu gei wo bao hu
pi juan de yan huo wo hui ti ni dou gan zhou

can lan de yan yu
zhi neng dian zui gan qing
ru guo wo cheng mo yin wei wo zhen de ai ni

qian ni shou gen zhe wo zhou
feng zai da you zen yang
ni you le wo
zai ye bu hui mi lu fang xiang

pei ni qu kan liu xing yu
luo zai zhe di qiu shang
rang ni de lei luo zai wo jian bang

yao ni xiang xin wo de ai
zhi ken wei ni yong gan
ni hui kan jian xing fu de shuo zai

yu he yun jian jian shang kai
sa xia yi pian wen nuan
wo yao fen xiang ni yan zhong de lei guang

pei ni qu kan liu xing yu
luo zai zhe di qiu shang
rang ni de lei luo zai wo jian bang

yao ni xiang xin wo de ai
zhi ken wei ni yong gan
ni hui kan jian xing fu de shuo zai

pei ni qu kan liu xing yu
luo zai zhe di qiu shang
rang ni de lei luo zai wo jian bang

yao ni xiang xin wo de ai
zhi ken wei ni yong gan
ni hui kan jian xing fu de shuo zai

ni hui kan jian xing fu de shuo zai

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